Sunday, February 22, 2009

Week 1 What didn't happen

So I was in the cubicle, shooting up a combination of heroin and brick dust, on the airplane, when I felt the turbulence kick in. I wandered into the cock pit and head butted the pilot. He died instantly. I crash landed the plane in Sagrada Familia, to a mixed reception.

Arriving at the 14 star hotel I met four prostitutes from Illinois. One of them (Emma), had had so much plastic surgery that her head had completely disappeared. Only a stump remained, I think she would have preferred a head though. Then, we all had a ridiculous amount of sex, and at one point I looked at my reflection in the window, only to realize it was Jesus. Jesus was hovering outside the window, masturbating. I gave him a nod, he reciprocated and we got back to our separate business.

That orgy lasted around 3 days, not including feeding breaks.

Then me and these Norgy boys went and robbed a bank, without masks on. We didn't hurt any women or children, we're nice like that. Then we spent all the money on Grey Goose and washed our hair in that shit.

I went to Camp Nou. Cut off Lionel Messi's head and pulled it over mine. I played the game, we lost 2-1.

I called up Hitler and Judas, I challenged them to a street fight on La Rambla. Hitler sent Goebells, apparently I'm not seeded high enough yet to challenge him. Judas came with a log. I laughed then pulled off a car door and smashed it over his head. Then Goebells tried a cheap shot, but all he could do was draw adverts, and they weren't convincing me. We all ate KFC and had a handstand competition. I lost, but thats not important.

I'm living in a squat with Jude Law's dad.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Week 1 The Truth

I arrived in Barcelona on Valentine's Day, having missed my flight two days previously. Upon arriving at the hostel, I dumped my stuff and went out to explore. I walked through down to the ocean and then up through Raval.
When I got back, I met my room mates, 4 girls from Chicago. We had an orgy. Not really. However, I was highly pleased that the rape jokes were instigated by them and not me. So we went and got smashed on the beach, then went to a club that was bigger than Bristol International Airport. It would have been much more fun with some pills or something. I basically lost everyone, and caught the metro back at 5, alone. Awoken an hour later with shrieks of "Charlie's naked!"
Those girls returned back to Bilbao to resume their studies. I spent the following night in the room alone. Highly boring.

Throughout the week people came in and out of my life, these are some of the keepers:

Rafaella and I shared a room for a few days, shes a lovely girl from Milan, here doing a similar thing to me, apart from within a week she has a flat and a job. I went and visited her new flat, its very cool and all her Italian roommates are sound.

Per and Spiro are two Norweigian skaters, Spiro is sick. I'm trying to convince him to send me SBs when he starts riding for Nike. Right now he rides for wesc and gets free trips around the world to skate, and loads of free clothes, not a bad life for an 18 year old. Per is a photographer, with quite possibly the sickest camera in the world. They are both ridiculously generous, giving me breakfast and letting me tag along with them whilst they skated Macbas. Then we got fucked up.

Then there was Emily, this 25 year old, also from Illinois. At first I thought she was just loud and annoying, but after a while I realized she was pretty cool, and hot, which never hurts. I have never seen anyone get so excited over a webcam though. She was lovely.

Most of the people at the hostel are really nice and friendly, being super helpful with my flat search. They even play MF Doom in the common room. €3 for a litre of heiniken off the tap. I will be recommending this place to everyone. Free breakfast in the morning, but I've only ever got up early enough once...

So searching for a flat takes up most of my time, but today is only the third one I've seen. I have also checked most of the spots, going up to Montjuic and seeing a view of the whole city, La Rambla, the beach, Glories, Raval, Arc D'Truiomph, etc. I have been eating shit, every day. Its a good laugh.

Anyway my flat search continues...

Friday, February 20, 2009

The Idea

I have developed an entertaining idea.
For each post of this blog, I will write two versions:

-Firstly, the fact-based article. A run-down of how things are going in Barca; job, school, money, people, etc.

-Secondly, a purely fictional version loosely based on the truth. A fantasized run-down of my conquest.

Basically, it will put a comic spin on what is surely to become a mundane account of my life.