Sunday, February 22, 2009

Week 1 What didn't happen

So I was in the cubicle, shooting up a combination of heroin and brick dust, on the airplane, when I felt the turbulence kick in. I wandered into the cock pit and head butted the pilot. He died instantly. I crash landed the plane in Sagrada Familia, to a mixed reception.

Arriving at the 14 star hotel I met four prostitutes from Illinois. One of them (Emma), had had so much plastic surgery that her head had completely disappeared. Only a stump remained, I think she would have preferred a head though. Then, we all had a ridiculous amount of sex, and at one point I looked at my reflection in the window, only to realize it was Jesus. Jesus was hovering outside the window, masturbating. I gave him a nod, he reciprocated and we got back to our separate business.

That orgy lasted around 3 days, not including feeding breaks.

Then me and these Norgy boys went and robbed a bank, without masks on. We didn't hurt any women or children, we're nice like that. Then we spent all the money on Grey Goose and washed our hair in that shit.

I went to Camp Nou. Cut off Lionel Messi's head and pulled it over mine. I played the game, we lost 2-1.

I called up Hitler and Judas, I challenged them to a street fight on La Rambla. Hitler sent Goebells, apparently I'm not seeded high enough yet to challenge him. Judas came with a log. I laughed then pulled off a car door and smashed it over his head. Then Goebells tried a cheap shot, but all he could do was draw adverts, and they weren't convincing me. We all ate KFC and had a handstand competition. I lost, but thats not important.

I'm living in a squat with Jude Law's dad.

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